Gladiator II: Gladiatin' Boogaloo

So much for the glory of Rome.

Watching the trailers that played prior to the start of Gladiator II, I found myself thinking, Do they really just not make good movies anymore? Every single preview was for a sequel, remake, or retread of some kind. And somehow, all three of these descriptors aptly applies to Gladiator II.

It goes without saying the original Gladiator pretty much had a flawless ending. Despite suffering a mortal wound, Maximus successfully kills Commodus and, satisfied with the knowledge that everyone is safe from the mad emperor’s retribution, contentedly joins his wife and son in the afterlife. Although we are sad that a great man met his demise, it is a poignant and gratifying finale: The villain is defeated, and the hero, his mission complete, is reunited with his family. Blissful and definitive, the story ends magnificently.

However, Gladiator made a lot of money, garnered a lot of accolades, and is an immensely popular film to this day. So, for nearly a quarter of a century, there was endless talk and speculation about making a sequel to a story that absolutely did not need to be continued. And, for the same nearly quarter century, rational heads prevailed, and no sequel was forthcoming. But modern Hollywood is utterly incapable of leaving well enough alone, and thus we (unfortunately) now have Gladiator II to contend with.

Hollywood these days is all about deconstructing their past glories. With very few exceptions, contrived continuations of beloved IPs undo everything our intrepid protagonists accomplished in their heretofore final outings. Our esteemed heroes were actually just miserable failures whose existences have stalled, or even regressed, in the intervening years. As the old saying goes:

Let the past die. Kill it, if you have to.

We see this pattern play out time and again in the Disney Star Wars films, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (which, I admit, I did somewhat enjoy), and countless other legacy sequels to well established franchises. And the same holds true for Gladiator II. Maximus’ sacrifice at the end of the first movie was essentially pointless: Rome is now in the grip of not one, but two foppish madmen.

How did things go so horribly wrong? What events transpired in the intervening years that allowed these demented dandies to come to power? We’re never told. It just is because the plot says so, which is de rigueur for the entire movie. There is no context or reasoning as to why events transpire as they do: Things just happen because the plot dictates that they must.

Speaking of plot, the only way possible to go into Gladiator II without spoilers is to have never seen the original film. Aside from the fate of its individual characters, the story (pretty much beat for beat) plays out exactly the same. And if you’ve ever seen a legacy sequel before, you’re well acquainted with the dismissive and disdainful manner in which established characters are treated in order to elevate the newer (and usually blander) protagonists.

Paul Mescal is wholly unworthy of being the successor to Russell Crowe’s masterful and riveting turn as Maximus. The twin emperors are pale imitations of Joaquin Phoenix’s petulant, deranged, and dangerous Commodus. Pedro Pascal’s character, who is supposed to be the sequel’s other stand-in for Maximus, barely registers; virtually a nonentity throughout the entire movie.

As for Denzel Washington, well, let’s just say Gladiator II confirms my long-held belief that the man is extremely overrated as an actor. He always plays some variation of the exact same character, which can work out just fine depending on the movie. But here, where he tones down his trademark bombastic histrionics, Denzel is just plain boring and lethargic.

Ridley Scott is one of my favorite directors. By and large, he continues to make movies I enjoy (despite the scorn said movies may receive from some of my more enlightened fellow cinephiles). That being said, Gladiator II is proof positive it’s time for the man to give it up. This movie is pointless, unnecessary, and unworthy of the legacy of its storied namesake and its legendary director.

There is absolutely no reason for this film to exist outside of modern Hollywood’s spiteful inclination to dismantle and deconstruct our pop culture icons.

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