Fantastic! I could feel a chill up my spine when those tentacles emerged from the darkness. And I love how the character carries his son's ashes in a pouch on his belt--not even Batman does that, lol.
As a side note, it's always great when a metal song inspires a story :)
I worry for Velsparr's future, deals with eldritch horrors rarely end well though, hopefully, he exacts revenge before his horrid fated end while also dodging any feelings of forgiveness; I don't think the horror would appreciate that sort of thing. Bravo!
Once I started reading it, I couldn't stop. My mind went in a different direction than most. I wonder if the good captain used the eldritch power to find his wife?
I reread the first few paragraphs twice because I had missed that they were SKY islands (it was there, I just failed to read it accurately) and Ike love to see more in this world, maybe at a point where your hero is tired of the bargain he made?
Creative take on the "treasure" part of the prompt. I get the sense that the treasure in this story is Power, useful for buying vengeance. Velsparr might not be able to provide for his wife and son with money, but he certainly going to exact payment somehow...
The story really hooked me starting at the creature skittering in the dark. The reflection before that felt almost unnecessary, since you wove the relevant parts into the main body of the story: having him killing guys called 'Alliance' tells me everything I need to know about them. I do like the floating island-cities as humanity's last refuge. Reminds me of an indie game called Dread Delusion.
Yeah, the reflection portion is my least favorite part of the story, and what I struggled with the most. In the beginning, I was trying to tell a grander story than what I actually ended up with. I think an introduction to the world is necessary, but I may end up reworking it at some point so it's more streamlined and less clunky.
Thanks so much! This one took a lot of effort (despite its short length), and I'm not entirely satisfied. I definitely appreciate your enthusiasm for it.
Fantastic! I could feel a chill up my spine when those tentacles emerged from the darkness. And I love how the character carries his son's ashes in a pouch on his belt--not even Batman does that, lol.
As a side note, it's always great when a metal song inspires a story :)
Speaking of that, I was listening to a lot of Nightwish when I wrote this one:
https://open.substack.com/pub/joshtatter/p/the-half-bloods-birthright?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=25u9ow
I worry for Velsparr's future, deals with eldritch horrors rarely end well though, hopefully, he exacts revenge before his horrid fated end while also dodging any feelings of forgiveness; I don't think the horror would appreciate that sort of thing. Bravo!
Once I started reading it, I couldn't stop. My mind went in a different direction than most. I wonder if the good captain used the eldritch power to find his wife?
Mayhaps we shall one day find out.
I reread the first few paragraphs twice because I had missed that they were SKY islands (it was there, I just failed to read it accurately) and Ike love to see more in this world, maybe at a point where your hero is tired of the bargain he made?
If I pick it up again (which I'm inclined to do), that's exactly where I would start from.
Creative take on the "treasure" part of the prompt. I get the sense that the treasure in this story is Power, useful for buying vengeance. Velsparr might not be able to provide for his wife and son with money, but he certainly going to exact payment somehow...
The story really hooked me starting at the creature skittering in the dark. The reflection before that felt almost unnecessary, since you wove the relevant parts into the main body of the story: having him killing guys called 'Alliance' tells me everything I need to know about them. I do like the floating island-cities as humanity's last refuge. Reminds me of an indie game called Dread Delusion.
Yeah, the reflection portion is my least favorite part of the story, and what I struggled with the most. In the beginning, I was trying to tell a grander story than what I actually ended up with. I think an introduction to the world is necessary, but I may end up reworking it at some point so it's more streamlined and less clunky.
Oh no! Gotta love a good Faustian bargain, though. This was a wonderful story!
Thanks so much! This one took a lot of effort (despite its short length), and I'm not entirely satisfied. I definitely appreciate your enthusiasm for it.
Oh dear. Not looking good for Velsparr!
Maybe we'll find out someday 🤷♂️
Now that's epic storytelling. I don't imagine it'll end well for Velsparr, though.
Wow, thanks man. I really struggled to write this story, and I'm not sure how I feel about it, so your thoughts are greatly appreciated.